Thursday, November 17, 2011
Isabella’s Birth Story
It
is said that a miracle is any amazing or wonderful
occurrence, a marvelous event manifesting a supernatural act of God. Isabella’s birth was far from a wonderful
occurrence, although it was pretty amazing. We saw God manifest his power
through our journey, as well as feeling abandoned by him during our darkest
hours.
Our journey began
on Tuesday, August 17, 2010. I had just
entered my 24th week of pregnancy, the beginning of my second
trimester. When I found out I was
expecting we decided not to disclose our wonderful news until I was 14 weeks,
it was our little secret. I felt so
close to Eddie during this time, when we finally told everyone, I finally
became the glowing pregnant women, a role I filled with delight. My first trimester was blissfully easy. I didn’t have morning sickness, slept all
day, and craved strawberries. I had the
usual round ligament pain and back pain.
I delved into mommy-to-be world head on, reading books, magazines and buying
furniture the nursery.
As was usual, I woke up at least 6 times during the night to
pee, nothing felt different. I had gone to my OB appointment the day before and
everything looked typical. Eddie had
lost his job shortly after I became pregnant. At 19 weeks I had to go on
Medi-Cal for my pregnancy, but didn’t get a new doctor until I was 24 weeks.
Tuesday morning I woke up to pee and when I wiped there was
bright red blood. I yelled to Eddie “Blood! I have BLOOD! I SHOULDN’T have
BLOOD!” I was horrified, I rubbed my
bump as I whispered to our baby girl “please be okay, please be okay”. Blood began to drip down my legs, my back kept
hurting. In my naivety I called my OB
who told me to go to the hospital. All
the while distracting myself by chanting “it’s all going to be okay” “nothing
is wrong” “I’m okay”. When I got the
L&D I was hooked up to the heart monitor for an hour. We sat in the room
listening to the musically rhythmic heartbeat of our baby girl. I got up several times to pee, and at each
wipe there were streaks of blood which I left in the bathroom for the nurse to
take a look at. The doctor on-call came in and told us that I had a bladder
infection, gave me antibiotics and sent me home. Before I left the nurse exam me and said I
was “funneling” but that I was okay because I was still closed. In retrospect, I should have never allowed myself to believe
that everything was okay. I should have trusted my instinct telling me
something was wrong. I should have asked
for an ultrasound. I should have asked
more questions. I should never have left that hospital that day. It’s the
“should of” of that day that I still struggle to come to terms with in my life.
On Wednesday, the day Isabella would be born, I woke up to
pee. I looked into the toilet and saw my
mucus plug. I hadn’t gotten to “that”
section in my pregnancy books. The third trimester part that talks about going
into labor. Yet instinctively I know
what it was. It sank to the bottom and I felt my world was over. I yelled to
Eddie, it was about 4am. He said “Babe, you have an infection, you’re okay”. I
couldn’t go back to bed. I had excruciating back pain, so I went to lie down on
the couch. I felt that as long as the
baby was moving, we were okay. She kicked, she rolled and my back still hurt. I
kept trying to wake up Eddie, but he ignored me. This is the part we hurt over
the most. Eddie still beats himself up for ignoring me, and we don’t really
talk about this part anymore, it’s just too painful. The “what if we would
have…” is too much for us to even think about revisiting.
It’s hard to believe but we waited until 3pm for my OB
appointment. As we waited in the doctor’s office I was scrumming and couldn’t
hide my pain. I was in such pain that I
knew it wasn’t normal yet I wasn’t rational enough to think this had something
to do with preterm labor. This is the part where I feel like I’m in a movie.
The facial expression on doctors and nurses faces seemed unreal. Like everyone
was acting on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, very dramatic. We were called into a small room with a
nursing student and a nurse practitioner.
They showered us with parents-to-be pamphlets and samples. I couldn’t
breathe, my back was killing me. “Are you okay?” asked the NP. I managed to get
out an “I’m bleeding, my back really
hurts”. She quickly sat back and her
eyes widened, I reassured her “No, it’s okay, I have a bladder infection, I was
in the hospital yesterday, I’m okay” still in complete denial. She jotted my
symptoms on a sticky note and sent it to the doctor. We were asked to go to the
doctor’s office, Eddie and I sat there flipping through some photograph books
of babies. Blissfully ignorant at what was about to happen, this would be the
last moment in our lives were we wouldn’t know the existence of a new world we
were about to be thrown into.
I was exam by the OB, he said “You are 2cm dilated” and as we
looked at the ultrasound screen; his face turned as white as his coat and began
to sweat profusely. This is when it hit me. “See her little foot poking throw
the sack” he pointed to the screen. I
looked at Eddie, looking for some comfort. He didn’t seem to be breathing. I
had packed an overnight bag thinking I was probably going to be sent to the
hospital from the appointment and be put on bed rest for the rest of the
pregnancy. The OB called the doctor
on-call at the hospital to let them know I was on my way. The hospital is next door to the clinic, as I
entered L&D I stopped at the reception desk and felt my first contraction.
I couldn’t speak. I whispered “the OB called, I’m here”. “Are you having a
contraction, honey?” asked the receptionist; I said “No, I’m only 24 weeks”.
Eddie was parking the car so we met in the hall as I was helped to a room. I remember thinking, wow this is a nice room
to deliver and they even have a shower! Obviously I wasn’t far along to have
taken Lamaze classes or tour the hospital, so it was all new to me. Since it
was Wednesday, Eddie was going to lead worship that night at church. It was now 4:30pm and he called and cancelled. Our nurse that day was so sweet and soft
spoken. Eddie’s cell phone went off and a song by Hillsong rang, the nurses
recognized the song and we began making small talk about our shared faith. Like an episode of Grey’s I didn’t understand
their medical jargon, they kept distracting us by asking if we knew the sex, if
we had picked out a name, how long we were married. Random questions to keep the mood
lighthearted. It wasn’t until the doctor
on-call came in that the nurses couldn’t hide their fear. He ordered “mag” and left to attend a women
in labor. The nurse kept frantically yelling “I NEED MAG!” As another nurse put
in a catheter and another put an IV in my arm, she couldn’t find a vein so she
kept poking me. My vision started to get blurry, and then I felt a gush of
water between my legs. I told Eddie “I
think the catheter came out, I’m wet” The doctor had came back, as he lifted
the sheet he had the same expression of panic on his face as the nurses. The
color drained from his face as he said “Your water broke, you are 10 cm dilated
and fully effaced, let me feel, she is breached, we need to do an EMERGENCY
C-SECTION!!” I felt Isabella’s foot kick my thigh. I looked at the clock, it
was 6pm. I looked at Eddie and began to cry hysterically. Everyone kept chanting “relax” and yelling
“call NICU we have a 25 weeker here” They had done the math wrong and didn’t
have my medical records. They knew
nothing about me. Eddie rushed out the room to call my parents, as the NICU
team rushed in. It seemed like 50 people
were in the room, I was signing papers and praying. Since the nurses knew I was
Christian they took the liberty to pray with me. The doctor prepared me as he said softly “Honey, I want you to understand that you are
going to have your baby. There is a
50/50 chance she will be born still. Okay?” This is when I began to yell at God
as I was wheeled to the OR.
I was totally conscience of everything that was going on, yet I
felt like I couldn’t process any of it. I yelled for Eddie, as a nurse held my
hand the entire time and prayed with me.
I screamed “God! Please don’t take her, please God” and in Spanish “NO
te la lleves Dios” the nurses tried to calm me by praying softly in my
ear. My hair was soaked by my tears. The
sweet nurse smiled and wiped my tears and prayed. Eddie came in the room and took my hand from
the nurse. He was eerily calm. He smiled and said he called my parents,
they were on their way. The chaos quieted
as the doctor began to cut me open. I
felt the pressure. I tried to focus on the bright light above the doctor. Eddie had taken my glasses off when I had
begun to cry in the delivery room. I was blind.
I felt a peace and God’s
presence. We didn’t hear a cry. They quickly asked us what her name was and I
yelled “ISABELLA! Since it means consecrated to GOD!” We thought we still had
16 more weeks to decide on a name. We
had about 5 names before that day. “She’s good! She’s pink and trying to cry”
said Eddie. The team said “Look Mommy,
your baby” as they whisked her away. All I say was a tiny blanket and small
blurry pick face. I didn’t have my
glasses.
I knocked out after they took her. I woke up in another room. A
nurse sat at a desk and I whispered “where’s my husband?” That’s when the
doctor came in and explain he had to perform a classical c-section and natural
birth in the future wouldn’t be possible.
He said Isabella looked like a 24 weeker. That she was 1lb 7 oz and that
she was tiny. That her eyes were still fused and I had to recover before I
could see her. I asked him to get my Eddie.
Eddie came into my recovery room, with a huge smile saying she
was beautiful and perfect. My parents
came into my room and I felt so ashamed. Ashamed that my body couldn’t hold
Isabella in. Saddened that they didn’t get to gush as first time grandparents.
We were robbed of the typical birth experience by my weak body. My dream of
giving birth naturally and kissing my husband as I snuggling with my beautiful
healthy baby on my chest, was gone.
The next two days I went
in and out of sleep. I had a horrible reaction to the Anastasia, my body itched
unbearably and was given a shot of Benadryl.
I was given a picture of Isabella but even that didn’t help me assimilate
to what had just happened. On day three I was wheel chaired to the NICU, Eddie
showed me how to call in, to wash my hand and wheeled me to the isolette. I
peeked into the foggy isolette , she had my profile, her daddies’ nose, was
see-thru and teeny tiny. I thought “wow all this was inside of me!” I was amazed at God’s works. How He made her
so perfectly. I’ll be honest. It was not love at first sight. It took weeks to see this tiny human as mine.
On day four we were sent home. We sat
with the Neo as he explained Isabella’s condition. We sat, like we would for the next 139 days,
listening to medical jargon, and asking questions without clear responses. The days at home were by far the worst. I
laid on our couch, starting at the ceiling not talking, not eating, not
showering and crying. When I did get the courage to get up to visit Isabella, I
would scream in the car, the only place I knew nobody could hear me, yelling at
God. I was angry with God. On day 9 Isabella had to be transferred to CHOC,
about 45 minutes away for emergency bowel surgery. She was intabated for a month, on CPAP for
about 6 weeks, then on nasal canula for about 2 weeks. Her last month in the
NICU she didn’t need any breathing assistance. She had a PDA ligation, a grade
III in her cerebellum and an osotomy. Isabella
had 6 blood transfusions and NEC. She
spent time under the billi lights and was on TPN/NPO for 45 days. She had a reservoir
placed in her brain to drain the excess fluid that was accumulating in her
brain, a condition caused by her bleed called hydrocephalous. Isabella did not need a permanent shunt and
had the reservoir removed. By the divine
grace of God, He healed her brain. We
went home not needing oxygen support, a monitor or a shunt. Isabella is a true
miracle!
We recently celebrated Isabella’s first birthday. She is
developmentally delayed which we receive OT (feeding issues) and PT twice a
weeks to help her reach her milestones.
Isabella was diagnosed with Auditory Neuropathy. The nerve that sends the message of sound to
her brain doesn’t function properly. We
are still following up with Auditory to see about hearing aids. On Oct 26, Isabella underwent her 5th
surgery for strabismus. Her right eye
kept “going in” towards her nose which was seriously affecting her vision and
causing slight torticollis.
Today Isabella is a happy and bright baby. She loves to discover new things and
challenges herself to reach her milestones.
She just cut her two bottom teeth. She has the curliest golden brown
hair and sparkling eyes. She is obsessed
with tags, blocks and spoons. Isabella
has her daddies’ smile and my temperament. Isabella is our little miracle and
our gift from God.
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