Showing posts with label multiples. Show all posts
Showing posts with label multiples. Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2013
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| Breanna holding William for the first time. |
My birth story starts almost exactly 3 years ago. Yesterday was the third anniversary of my son's death. I had a pretty typical twin pregnancy until my water broke at just 22 weeks. That night I was taken to the hospital and told I would not leave until my babies were born and they would try to hold that off as long as possible. I was told to even have a small chance we would need to make it to 23 weeks and 24-25 weeks to have a decent chance. Even if I did make it that far it didn't look good for my son William, his amniotic sac was the one that had broken and there was not much fluid left to help mature his lungs.
The next few days I just waited and talked to the never ending train of doctors that came in to talk to me about what my babies future could hold and honestly I don't remember any of it. The waiting continued until around 1AM on day 5, something didn't feel right. They discovered that I was ready to deliver my son William and I was rushed to labor and delivery. Just before 2AM my son William was born weighing 535g (1lb 3oz) at 22 weeks and 5 days gestation (barely). As soon as he was born he was rushed off to the NICU while the medical staff turned their attention to trying to stop my labor.
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| William, born at 22 weeks and 5 days |
The magnesium did it's job and I was turned on my side and tipped head down and the waiting started again. They also started the series of steroid shots to give John any chance they could. I spent the next 39 hours waiting and being very closely monitored while my husband brought me back pictures of my son William with news that he was very critical but stable!
The next evening the medical team decided that John needed to be delivered, he was slipping lower into the birth canal and there wasn't much else they could do. John came into the world at 5PM, 39 hours after his brother, also weighing 535g. He was also rushed off to the NICU.
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| John, born 39 hours after William now watches over his brother. |
This changed when John was 5 days old, we received a phone call early that morning that John was not doing well. When we made it to the hospital he was barely hanging on and there was nothing they could do. He had pneumonia with a very aggressive bacteria and by the time they realized something was wrong it was too late. That morning John passed away and has been watching over his older brother William every day since then.
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| William on his way home! |
Slowly but surely William started to grow and after a long 6 month NICU stay he came home! William is still on a feeding tube, has limited vision, and mild CP. He does not let this slow him down! William's entire NICU story as well as current updates can be found at www.maravytwinwatch.com.
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| Here's William now! |
Monday, November 5, 2012
I am
a NICU mom, a twin mom, and an AMA mom.
(that last one is Advanced Maternal age). I was 39 when I was blessed with my twin
pregnancy. I am also an adoptive mom to
my 14 year old son. I did have
complications. Gestational diabetes, a
SCH (Sub chorionic hematoma), bleeding, cramping, and throwing up for the first
27 weeks. :/
My
sweet girls were born preemie at 32 weeks on the dot. I am a former NICU nurse, and I never, ever
thought I would be a NICU mama.
I
felt cramps, and ignored them. I would
later find out, it was PTL, Preterm Labor.
I am
angry at myself for my girls’ early delivery.
I should clarify and say, I hated my body on that day. It failed my girls and it failed me. I didn’t want to have babies in the NICU…I
was trained to take care of preemies …not at all prepared to be a mom on the
other side of the fence.
Lauren
was born vaginally and Kate was born via c-section on July 20, 2010. I recovered on a GYN floor. Found out later, I was on that floor instead
of regular Mother/Baby unit so I would not hear babies crying. It was too quiet and I didn’t like it at
all. I even asked why I was not on the regular mother/baby unit, and
a nurse said, “we do that so you won’t get sad hearing the babies cry.” I wanted to hear babies cry. I was a Mom just like those “term” moms. My babies were in the NICU, but I still was a
mom. Being on that floor away from all
the other moms and babies was awful. It was hard enough being in a completely
separate building from them. And to be
on a floor with a ton of old geezers in for GYN stuff was depressing.
My
girls were in the hospital for 2 months.
And it was NICU hell.
I
think knowing all that I did about preemies was good and not so good. I knew too much. And it was hard for me to be Mom, because I
was used to being the nurse in the room.
I’m
going to be honest: I was not a fan of
pumping breast milk. I did it for my girls. I knew their bowels were premature, and BM
would be the best nutrition for them. I
only pumped for a total of 3 months. I
had to stop, as it was making me a stress case.
I never got much milk and I tried just about every piece of advice I was
given to produce more milk. My body was
failing me again, and failing my girls.
Lauren,
my baby A was a chunk. She was close to
5 pounds. Kate, my baby B, had IUGR
(intrauterine growth retardation) and she was 3 pounds. Everyone always thinks the chunky babies are
healthy, but Lauren was very, very sick.
She was in PPHN (persistent pulmonary hypertension) caused from her PDA
and ASD. I was forbidden to touch her or
talk to her for 10 days. It was the
hardest 10 days of my life. She never
opened her eyes until the evening of day 10.
She was moments away from being placed on ECMO and they kept telling me
they were doing all they could. She was
a 2:1. (Two to one). That means, 2 nurses to 1 baby. She had so many things hooked to her sweet
little body, she needed the care of 2 nurses and 1 respiratory therapist.
She
was on the Oscillator (high frequency ventilator) for a long time. Lauren also came home on oxygen, a pulse ox
(pulse oximeter), and a cardiac monitor.
She needed oxygen for 3 months.
Thank God above I pushed to get her home, because I would not have
survived an additional 3 months in the hospital. I just wanted my girls at home.
In
the 2 months the girls were in the NICU, I only spent 7 hours at home away from
them. My husband insisted I sleep at
home, in our bed, so I would “feel better”.
It was awful being away from them, and I just worried
and could not sleep. From that moment
on, I stayed in the hospital with the girls.
I rarely saw the sun. And I did
try and take walks around the hospital and thru the courtyards to get fresh
air…but honestly, I just didn’t want to be outside when my girls were sick in
the hospital. I didn’t care at that time
if it was sunny and flowers blooming…
I
wished I had made a journal entry about the girls shortly after they were
born. I think I was on too much overload
to think about a journal. I know I would
have included more details of our NICU time.
I did learn a few things about NICU, that as a nurse, I had never
experienced before. I experienced
emotions as a NICU mom, and everyone in our family seemed to not fully
understand what I was going thru. That
is how I found this Preemie group on the Bump, and later, I joined them on
Facebook.
I
would read peoples “siggys” on the Bump to have HOPE. When I would see other
Preemie moms had survived the NICU, and they had a preemie pic next to a
current pic of their baby at age 1, I had HOPE.
It got me thru some of the hardest days in the NICU. Having a support group of other NICU/Preemie
Moms is a very healing place to go and share about all things Preemie. I can say and share things that most full
term moms will never understand. I am so
grateful for the women in the FB group.
Here
is my gripe list ;)
1. My babies are preemie. They are in the NICU. They need peace and quiet. They should still be on the inside. Please don’t ask a NICU mom if you can come
and visit. Support her thru meals, gift
cards to places that offer a carry out menu, and send her text messages. Even a card.
But give her space and time.
2. I hate hospitals. (and I am a nurse)
3. My 1 year olds are not doing
the same thing your 1 year old is doing.
Don’t point it out. I know my
little ones are delayed.
4. If you are carrying a baby, be
grateful for every ache and pain you have.
My friends and I would give anything to have those aches and pains. We would go thru anything to keep our babies
cooking and not be in the NICU.
5. Wash your hands. Our preemies are more vulnerable to colds,
flu’s, and any type of illness. If you
even think your throat is scratchy, STAY HOME.
And a week after you thought your throat was scratchy…I’m still going to
ask you to put on a mask.
If
you are on bed rest, I wish you as much cooking time as is possible. Remember, being on bed rest is truly a full
time job. You are growing a little
human, and that is an amazing job. Every day your LO (little one) can stay on
the inside~ is less NICU time. So do not
get discouraged. Online shop, shop,
shop. J
If
you are a preemie/Nicu mom, I wish you an uneventful stay in the NICU. And I hope you and your sweet baby are home
very, very soon. ::Hugs for you::
Friday, September 14, 2012
At lunch yesterday I met a grandmother and a beautiful baby girl. As most women typically do I got the "Are they twins? How old?" and tells me her baby was 14 months old. We watched the grandmother sign "more" and play games with her etc. Until she told me she was the grandmother I would have swore she was her mom.
After a few minutes came "Who was bigger? How much did they weigh?" and that's when the Preemie-ness appeared. She told me "What miracles I had." And then as she was feeding the baby girl a bottle she paused and explained, the little girl has severe food allergies. Has to have special formula ($75 a CAN) and special made purees. And as a result they were struggling to get her to drop the bottle. But that was the only way she would drink her special formula, so they had no choice.
You could absolutely see the relief on her face when I told her about Addison.... Like "Finally someone else gets it." As it turns out the baby girl was too a preemie, by about a month. Funny how that almost instantly bonds us preemie families. She told me that her granddaughter had some mild delays too and sung the praises if our county's Early Intervention Program.
Take a minute to think about this, especially if your are a parent as well. Have you ever had to think twice about what you were feeding you little one. Did every meal take careful planning because they might choke or have an allergic reaction? Have you ever had to be cautious yourself because of an allergy or something else? For most people it's mindless and second nature, for those of us effected it's not. I think sometimes people assume because Addison is eating, she can have whatever. That's not entirely true. Too much milk/juice etc, at once will make her gag or choke and she tolerates so much less then Blake does. Food that is too thick, thin, hard, soft, chewy, the list goes on, can cause the same thing. and guess what, the minute she gags or chokes you can almost bet she is done and won't try again. Would you? You would be scared too.
Seeing this baby made me thankful that Addison doesn't have any major food allergies (other then cake icing) that we know of (knock on wood). Because that would complicate things so much more in this process. It gave me a dose of perspective and made me realize once again, that we are not alone. It also made me thankful for this miracle that the other baby girl was too. Looking at her she looked like the perfect picture of health. Like Addison she wasn't letting this "hiccup" hold her down. Babies amaze me. Their fight and will to overcome. God bless them and the families that love and support/encourage them. It takes some extra special people to be blessed with such challenges.
Friday, July 20, 2012
After two years of infertility, multiple methods of advanced reproductive technology (ART), my fourth medicated cycle which was a converted one from IUI to IVF was successful. At my six week ultrasound, I found out I was carrying twins!
My pregnancy had some concerns. At seven weeks, they were concerned with Baby A’s yolk sac and its viability. However, a viability ultrasound at eight weeks showed this to be a non-issue. Then, at nine weeks, I started bleeding. I was diagnosed with a subplacental tear / subchorionic hematoma. I continued to bleed for eight weeks and it was a long, stressful time during my pregnancy. Finally, at week 17, it stopped and I breathed a sigh of relief. From that point on I was glowing! I felt like a million bucks, everything looked excellent with the babies on my ultrasounds, and I was so excited to be pregnant and enjoying my pregnancy to the fullest.
On Thursday, January 19, 2012, I was lying in bed watching the news and I thought I peed my pants. I literally got out of bed laughing because I couldn’t believe I was doing that kind of stuff at only 25 weeks. I took my pants off and noticed it was more than just a dribble – and then I went into the bathroom and I was gushing fluid. I knew right then and there that this wasn’t urine and that my water had broke.
I called down to my husband and told him we had to go to the hospital. He came running upstairs and couldn’t believe his eyes. I was hysterical but he grabbed me my phone so I could call the OB office and they told me to get to the hospital as soon as possible. My husband was literally frozen with fear – he was walking in circles and trying to secure the house and the dogs and I just lost it, grabbed my keys, and got into my car with him chasing behind me. I couldn’t wait one more second and just HAD to get to the hospital.
So, yes, I drove myself the 37 miles to our regional hospital all while on the phone with my mom, grandmother, and best friend (and fellow preemie mom) Julie. I made it in 30 minutes. My mom met me there and my husband soon followed. When I pulled into the hospital, I saw what I thought was the valet guy and literally hopped out of my car and handed him my keys. I didn’t care whether he was actually a valet or if I just gave my new car to some random guy in a red coat. I walked as fast as I could with a towel between my legs and made it to the birthing center where my mom was waiting. Note: it was a valet and I still have my car.
They started me on monitors for both babies heartbeats and contractions and they did a test that confirmed it was, in fact, amniotic fluid. I had suffered from preterm premature rupture of membrane (pPROM). The OB came in and did an ultrasound which did little more than confirm both babies were still breech and she did a physical exam and found that my cervix was still closed. I was apparently contracting, but didn’t feel them at all – I was 3-4 minutes apart when I came in! I was immediately given a steroid shot (the first in a two shot series) and they started me on magnesium sulfate to stop the labor. A neonatologist came in to talk with us and we were essentially told that at 25w4d gestation, the babies had a 50/50 chance of survival. We were heartbroken. But, the team of doctors (OBs, MFMs, etc…) were going to work as hard as possible to keep me pregnant for as long as they could.
I was then moved to a room in the birthing unit where I was monitored very closely. I was given an ultrasound Friday morning that confirmed it was Baby Girl’s sac that had broken and it was a full rupture. Her fluid level was considered “low”, but she wasn’t showing any signs of distress. In addition to the magnesium, I was given two antibiotics to ward off infection and because I tested positive for group B strep earlier in my pregnancy. That first night / morning is a blur to me – I wasn’t allow to sit up at all, had to urinate in a bed pan, and was literally left to lie in bed and do nothing. I was given three goals to try and make and they were:
- Goal #1: second steroid shot (Saturday at 1:30am)
- Goal #2: steroid series considered complete (Sunday at 1:30am)
- Goal #3: 26 weeks gestation (Monday)
I was moved to a new room in the birthing unit on Friday and I stayed there until Sunday morning. Again, I was closely monitored and completed the magnesium and steroid series successfully where I stopped contractions and it looked like labor was held at bay for the time being.
Sunday morning I was stable enough that they moved me to the maternity special care unit where I would stay until I delivered the babies. We didn’t know if that would be a few days or a few weeks, but we were hoping for the latter. I was allowed to finally get up, only to use the bathroom, and I could shower for five minutes a day. It was a lot of freedom compared to how I was monitored at the birthing unit. So many friends and family visited with me throughout the days I was in the hospital and on Monday night my mom came to watch the Bachelor with me…the last show I would watch before becoming a mom.
Before my mom left the hospital for the night, at around 10:00pm, the amniotic fluid that was leaking turned pink. The nurse came in and checked the babies and they sounded good and they hooked me up to the TOCO to check for contractions and there was nothing. The nurse spoke with my OB and they said that it can happen where the fluid changes colors and it was considered “normal”. At around 2:30am, I was having these lower abdominal pains – almost like I needed to have a bowel movement. I got up to try and go a few times but nothing happened. I finally called in the nurse and she checked the babies and both sounded good. She put me on the TOCO and it wasn’t registering anything. Then I was getting those lower abdominal pains more severely and I finally asked her to move the TOCO lower. Well, I was registering large, sustained contractions and so she called my OB once again. The OB came down to my room prior to her next c-section and did a “digital exam” to see if I was dilated and guess what? She looked up at me and said, “I can say I feel two little feet”. I about died. I was approximately 6cm dilated and Baby Girl had essentially kicked her feet through my cervix!
It was then like a scene from a movie – while they were rounding people into my room, I called my husband and we both knew he’d never make it. They made one attempt at an IV in my room and my OB finally said something along the lines of “we don’t have time for this – she’s got to go NOW”. I was then flying through the hallways – I was so scared that I was physically trembling. I went right into the OR and there wasn’t even time to give me a spinal so I was put under general anesthesia and that’s the last I remember before waking up in excruciating pain in recovery.
On Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 3:19am I gave birth to two beautiful preemies:
- Colton Christopher weighed 1lb, 13 oz and was 13 inches long
- Keltie Grace weighed 1lb, 9oz and was 13 inches long
Both struggled mostly with breathing issues throughout their NICU stay. Other challenges presented themselves such as a pneumothorax (Keltie), nephrocalcinosis and hypertension (Keltie), bilateral hernia repairs (Keltie), severe reflux (Colton), aspiration of thin liquids (Colton), and retinopathy of prematurity or ROP (both babies). Keltie was discharged from the NICU at 100 days. Colton remained there an additional six weeks because of his spells which were related to his severe reflux – he was discharged at 142 days.
So – that is the birth story of our twins…or, as we refer to it, Keltie deciding to break her sac and then sticking her feet where they don’t belong. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of love I feel for these two peanuts. It actually overwhelms me at some points. They’re absolutely beautiful and fought long and hard to get to where they are today. I’ve learned to appreciate the small things – things that “normal” parents likely take for granted such as seeing their faces for the first time, touching them for the first time, their first poop, their first 1ml of breast milk feeding, overcoming breathing issues, etc… We are lucky to have them home with us – it’s wonderful to have our family together under one roof. More information about their NICU experience can be found at: http://project26weekpreemies.wordpress.com.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Aiden
& Ryan are 7 months old/3.5 months adjusted, and between the two of them
we’ve been through 9 surgeries, and have at least 3 more on the horizon. So far, we’ve dealt with a PDA ligation, a
reservoir placement, two shunt placements and revisions, a bilateral hernia
repair and two ROP laser surgeries. It
is always scary when you’re told you baby needs surgery, especially when that
baby weighs less than 2, 3 or even 4 lbs.
The
first surgery we dealt with was Ryan’s tapping reservoir. When he was a month old, he was diagnosed
with hydrocephalus which is a direct result of his IVH. He was way too small to have a shunt placed
(which is a permanent device made to shunt spinal fluid away from his
brain). In lieu of tapping his brain directly,
they placed a reservoir which is an access point through which they can more
safely draw fluid out of the ventricles in his brain. While all this sounds very scary (it is brain surgery after all), we were
relieved when we got the call that his surgery was scheduled. Although there were, which of course we were
aware of, the benefits outweighed those risks.
That is the case with most
all surgeries you face in the NICU.
We knew that this would bring our tiny baby relief and would give him a
chance to live.
That first
surgery paved the way for our outlook on all further surgeries. Of course we don’t want our children to go
through anesthesia and painful recovery and all that jazz, and we absolutely
fear the worst and have knots in our stomachs for the duration of every
procedure, but without these surgeries our children would likely not be
alive. I thank God every day for creating
people who are smart and disciplined enough to become surgeons, because really,
we owe our lives to them. We owe our
children’s lives to them.
We
always say that Aiden & Ryan have gone through more surgeries in the first
½ year of their lives than we and our families have gone though in our entire
lives, combined. But that is what makes
them special little miracles that we were blessed with on that September
day. They are, and forever will be, our
heroes. They have showed us that
anything is possible. And if they
I have to suffer through another few surgeries to make their lives better, I am
willing to do that. Because really,
surgeries are worse for parents than they are for babies. Case is point: here is a picture of Aiden, hours after his
shunt bilateral hernia repair. I don’t
know if I’ve ever seen a happier boy.
A few things that might be helpful if you’re dealing with
surgery after NICU:
1.
Most hospitals require preemies to spend the
night after a surgery, even if the procedure is usually outpatient.
2.
Your LO will probably be scheduled for an early
morning surgery because of the eating restrictions. If not, you can probably request an early
slot.
3.
You will be asked to feed your child shortly
after they wake up from anesthesia. They
do this to make sure there is no nausea/vomiting. It’s also a requirement that your child
resumes a normal eating schedule prior to discharge. I would recommend bringing bottles, formula
and water from home (unless, of course, you BF). The hospital will provide these items
eventually, but in the meantime it is good to have your own. Also, your baby is probably used to the way
formula tastes with the water you normally use.
You want to keep everything as consistent as possible.
4.
You will probably spend a few hours in recovery
before you get a room for the night.
5.
Beware, the nurses taking care of your LO for
the night will likely not be the equivalent of your favorite NICU nurses. Your child will probably be in the PICU for
recovery, or the regular children’s floor, so the nurses don’t deal with infants
on a regular basis. In short, we are all
used to way the NICU is run. This will
be different. Not bad, just different.
6.
Bring blankets, books, a toy or two, pacifiers,
and any soothing items that you have for baby.
Also bring a going home outfit for your LO.
7.
Bring warm socks, a sweater or blanket, cell
phone charger, laptop, books/magazines, drinks and snacks for yourself. You will need to pass the time as you wait
for discharge.
8.
Bring any medications your child currently
takes. While the hospital provides
these, they may take a while to get them to you.
9.
It is ok to tell the doctors and nurses what is
normal for your child in terms of disposition, eating habits, crankiness. If something they notice is delaying
discharge, and you know that this is normal for your child, speak up.
10.
Once you are comfortable, and the doctors agree
that discharge is a good idea, speak up and ask multiple times when you can go
home. Otherwise they will forget about
you and you will spend your entire day waiting for them to print four pieces of
paper for you to go home.
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| Aiden and Ryan today! |
It all started on April 30th,
2011, when I POAS and saw that magic word “Pregnant”. I had been so used to seeing “Not Pregnant”
that my heart literally jumped out of my throat. We had been trying for nine months, ever
since our trip to Europe in August 2009 where we visited Ireland, England,
Poland and Italy. I remember running
down to the basement where DH was cooking (we had construction going on at the
time so we were using the basement kitchen).
I showed him the pregnancy test and started crying immediately. We embraced and stood there hugging for what
seemed like an eternity. I was supposed
to run a half marathon the next morning with my sister, but opted out of it. I knew I was only 4 weeks along so I didn’t
want to risk anything happening to this tiny being growing inside of me.
The next two weeks went by without
a hitch. I had an u/s scheduled for my
ninth week to date the pregnancy and meet my new OB. At 6 weeks I experienced some bleeding. We went in for an early u/s expecting to be
told that I miscarried. When my OB
started the u/s he told me to relax and that it was likely that nothing was
wrong. The next words that came out of
his mouth would change our lives forever.
He said, “Do you have a good heart?”
I said “yea, why?” He said,
“Well, you’re having twins!” I never
laughed and cried so hard in my entire life.
I immediately bought Dr. Luke’s
book about carrying multiples. I spent
the next few days reading through the chapters and getting myself anxious. I read all about PTL and other complications
that are common with twin pregnancies.
At one point, DH told me to put the book down and stop making myself
crazy. So I put the book down and never
turned back. I spent the next few months
taking it pretty easy. I did a lot of
lying down after work but I also did my fair share of tidying up after the
construction going on in our house. And
I was seeing my OB every three weeks.
On September 12 I was put on bed
rest due to a shortening cervix. I went
to the hospital with DH for a routine growth scan and a cervical check. When they measured my cervix it was at
1.2cm. The cutoff for bed rest is
3cm. I was monitored for contractions (I
wasn’t having any) and my OB was called to come a check on me. She checked my cervix again and gave me the
bed rest talk. I cried. But mostly because I was nervous about not
being able to work, and how we would afford our mortgage for the next 4 months,
not because I was nervous about carrying to full term. I convinced myself that I would be in bed
until I was 38 weeks.
Exactly one week later we went in
for another cervix check, and much to my surprise my cervix was no longer
measurable. The technician who measured
it didn’t say anything at first. She
simply put the wand down and left the room.
I knew something was really wrong.
She came back with the doctor, who checked me again, and they
immediately told me I was being admitted to L&D. While I was waiting for a bed, I heard them
say I had a bulging bag. I never heard
this term before, but I knew what it meant.
I was admitted to triage and hooked
up to a mag drip and IV antibiotics and three monitors – one for each baby and
one for me. I spent the next 24 hours
there not able to eat or drink anything for fear that they would have to
perform an emergency C-section. I was
contracting the whole time, every minute or two, but I didn’t feel the
contractions. A neonatologist came to my
bedside and explained to me and my husband all the complications our children
were faced if they were born now, in a week, in two weeks, etc. I felt like I was living a dream.
The next day I was moved to
antepartum because I was no longer contracting.
DH went home and brought me my laptop, some magazines and books, a
hairbrush, my toothbrush and anything else he thought I needed. We were ready to live in the hospital for the
next 3.5 months. I wasn’t allowed to get
up to go to the bathroom and the doctors were no longer checking my cervix for
fear of breaking my water. I was told to
inform my nurse of any contractions, bleeding or discharge. DH stayed with me every night and went to
work in the morning. Five days later, I
convinced him to go home and sleep in our bed.
He needed it. He didn’t have work
the next day so he would be able to sleep in.
He went home and I played on my computer. I stumbled upon the Preemie page on TB and
opened a post where everyone wrote about how their LO’s are doing now. It gave me so much hope. I grew tired and went to sleep.
At 4:30am I awoke to some
bleeding. I immediately called my nurse
who came with the resident on call. She
checked me with a speculum, and immediately told me there is too much blood and
she has to take me to L&D. I asked
her if I should call my husband. She
said yes. When they moved me onto a
stretcher, I looked over at my bed and saw the blood. I said “Oh fuck!” when I saw how much there
was. As they wheeled me to L&D, I
remember feeling very calm but a million thoughts were racing through my
head. I have no clue what they
were. The Drs performed an u/s to see
the babies’ postioning, and the whole time I felt this urge to pee. I knew it had to be the pressure of the
babies on my cervix.
I was moved to the OR and I
remember it being so cold. The
anesthesiologist was so nice, he kept telling me not to worry, that they will
take care of me. As they prepped me for
surgery I made my mind slow down because I wanted to remember everything. I felt like I was in a movie. All I saw were these faces with masks
on. I couldn’t even recognize my own OB,
they had to point him out. I later found
out that he made it to the hospital in 12 minutes. Seconds before they put me under (there was
no time for an epidural so they have to knock me out), I was told my husband
had made it to the hospital. I was so happy.
I woke up in recovery and
immediately started crying. It was Sept.
25, 2011, and I just kept repeating to myself that today was my children’s
birthday. And instead of it being the
happiest day of my life, it was the saddest.
DH told me the boys were ok, he hadn’t seen them yet but they were
alive. Then the recovery nurse asked us
what their names were. We always had the
name Aiden picked out for Baby A, but Baby B was a tough one. We narrowed it down to Paul and Ryan, so I
let DH pick. He picked Ryan.
At some point DH left, maybe to eat
or see the boys, I’m not sure, but my dad stayed with me. I cried the entire time and he just held my
hand. I will never forget it. I later found out that the bleeding was
caused by a placental abruption, and that Aiden’s feet were hanging out of me
by the time I was put on the operating table.
From the time I called my nurse, to the time the boys were born, only 45
minutes has passed.
In many ways this isn’t a birth
story at all, because I wasn’t awake for any part of the boys’ birth. I often think about why this happened to us,
and I try to understand the very difficult decision God made to put us in this
situation. My simple answer is
this: God put me in the hospital to save
Aiden. If I was at home when the
bleeding started, we never would have gotten to the hospital in time, and we
would’ve lost him, and possibly Ryan. I
thank God every day for making this decision for us.
 |
| Aiden, 3 weeks old |
 |
| Ryan, 3 weeks old |
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I had made up my mind from the beginning that I wanted to breastfeed. I wasn't "against" formula, and if it didn't work out that was ok too. But I was going to give it a try. When I went in for my c-section my nurse was aware of my desire to breastfeed, and she made sure that I had a pump waiting at my bedside the minute I was back in my room.
The first time I pumped I couldn't feel a thing. The second time I screamed in pain... HOLY HECK did it hurt! My nurse came in and calmly told me I might consider turning the pump settings down (whoops), that helped but man did it hurt the first week or so. Then of course comes the joy of cracked nipples. I was pumping every 3 hours around the clock, at home & at the NICU.
Our NICU didn't have a very comfy pumping room and often I was more comfortable sitting by the twins bedside pumping. I also found I got more milk then or anytime after Kangaroo care. It didn't take long before the nurses told me they didn't have room for more milk, so I started stocking my freezer at home. For the longest time the twins took less then an ounce each, so I was making more then they needed (a blessing in disguise of course). At the same time I was beginning to wear down emotionally and mentally. One of our nurses then suggested that I try only pumping every 4 hours at night so I could get some rest, and once a week I'd take a night off and sleep the whole night thru. This worked for about a month and a half... then I noticed my supply was starting to tank a little. Meanwhile in the NICU they were fortifing the twins BM with Neosure for extra calories and we were soooo close to getting to actually trying to breastfeed. I'll never forget the day they said we could start "non nutrative sucking". Blake got to try first, it wasn't going well, they gave me a nipple shield, it went a little better. A few days later he was back on CPAP and we had to stop. A week later I got one shot with Addison, she bit down hard.
The LC's were just about driving me crazy, bless their hearts. My supply continued to drop no matter how many power pumps or anything else I tried. At this point I was getting about an ounce to two ounces each pump. The twins were taking an ounce a peice. I started trying to track when I got the most milk, and was considering supplements to increase supply. Then one of the LC's asked me something about my medical history and my PCOS came up...she then explained that PCOS also had a hand in my supply and that a lot of woman with PCOS have supply issues and do not benefit from supplements. Plus I'll be really selfishly honest, the idea of smelling like maple syrup (from Fenergreek) was not appealing to me in the least. My OB said he didn't reccomend any supplements either.
After much thought and debating it to the ground in my head, I made the decision to cut back and ween off the pump in effort to quit BF. Within days of decreasing pumping sessions my supply diminished. In a weeks time I kid you not I was dryed up. I knew at this point that they were past the most critical stage and that they tolerated formula, because they were already getting half and half. And any attempt at BFing was now a ways off again...
I still have days where I wish it would have worked out differently and if we ever have anymore children I will try again. I EPed for 2 1/2 months exactly and I was never so glad to put the pump away. It was the right choice for us all at that moment.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Over the course of our NICU stay, we dealt with a lot of obstacles. One of the greatest, non medical, challenges we faced was bringing one baby home while the other was transferred to another hospital. Addison needed to be transferred at 40 weeks for a consult for a Nissan Fundo & G-tube, Blake would be coming home….just a few short days after my EDD. I am very unbelievably fortunate with the timing of it all, in hindsight.
Our “home” NICU team of Neo’s all worked at the “new” NICU, which meant with the exception of a few doctors, I’d have some consistency. The doctor’s coordinated things for me so that Addison would be transferred and placed under the care of the Neo who admitted her to the NICU the day she was born and also spent several weeks with Addison throughout our stay. I knew after that, it would be a different Neo but prayed it would be one who knew her well. But what would I do without these nurses, our“family”, would the new nurses treat me like I have no clue what to do with Addison? Or would they be just as kind and loving and more important would they love Addison like her “home” nurses do?
Day 104 – I arrived at the hospital by 7am (the start of day shift) and waited for the transport team to arrive. While I waited I cuddled Addison and told her that it was really important that she behave herself during her first car ride. I also reminded Blake that I would be back later that night to room in, and that it was equally important that he behaved so he could “go to the zoo” the next day. (Another TB mom shared with me this cute phrase used as code for coming home, because we all know if these preemies here the “H” word they get all funny on us.) I was a nervous wreck because I was told I wouldn’t be able to ride with Addison to UMMS. I’d have to follow behind in a car, but I could at the very least walk her out and watch them load her up. That I did…
Our first day at UMMS was less then exciting. I met her nurse, I got a big hug from Dr. D (the Neo attending) and she introduced me to“Addison’s team”. At UMMS they have two teams and two Neo’s attending (the NP Team and the Resident Team) Addison was assigned to the residents. I basically spent 8 hours at Addison’s bedside while they got her settled, vitals, diapers, forms, etc. I made sure that Blake would be able to come back and visit with us, over and over again. I left that day around 4pm in hopes of going home to nap before going to camp out with Blake.
Initially I think the first few days of the transition went very well. I was beyond amazed when within the week they were able to take Addison off the cannula, despite our “home” NICU’s failed attempts. I prayed that maybe we wouldn’t need that surgery after all. On the afternoon of May 27thwe brought home Blake. As much as I wanted to be in two places at once we all agreed that we would spend the first night and the following day with Blake, getting in to some kind of routine and getting to know him without the nurses around. We managed to survive our first 24 hours and the next day we went to visit Addison.
Because of the weekend, etc not a whole lot in the terms of consults etc was happening at the hospital. In fact the ball really didn’t start rolling with Addison until the following week, after we had yet another family meeting to discuss a plan of care. The new hospital meant new visitor rules, ok well not “new” but with a baby at home “different” rules. In the first NICU because we had twins, each baby was allowed 2 visitors, meaning 4 total (me, hubby and 2 others). In this NICU it was still 2 but only one baby so me and hubby (and fortunately Blake). Bath time at this NICU was 2pm, where it was 9pm at the first NICU. Hubby missed a lot of baths, and I did too most of the time. There were new nurses, and a few new doctors, and trying to explain to them what “worked” for Addison didn’t always go over so well. I also went from a hospital with a weekly support group, to nothing really, at a time when I probably needed it most.
Meanwhile life at home with Blake was busy too…
My days consisted of feedings at Midnight, 3am, 6am, and9am, then a quick shower while Blake napped and then we loaded up to head to visit Addison while my husband worked. I was usually at the NICU in time for rounds and would stay as long as Blake would tolerate, usually this was 3 hours if I was lucky. Juggling spending time with Addison all while being Blake’s primary provider was a challenge. Most of the time, sadly, I was just “there”.Home by dinner time, quick dinner and then hubby and I would load up Blake and head back to visit from 7-9pm. Then it was bedtime, and “listen to Blake babble.” He got these crazy ideas that he needed to talk to us in the middle of the night. It was cute but man did we need to sleep, despite what Blake thought.
This went on for almost TWO WHOLE MONTHS. I don’t know how I survived some days. Blake had appointments with the Ped, OT, PT, a home health nurse, NICU follow ups, the eye doctor, you name it. I made it work somehow; you just do because you have to. I remember crying sooo hard the day Addison was transferred and the day Blake came home. It didn’t matter how happy I was to bring Blake home, I was heartbroken to leave Addison behind, I was heartbroken to leave behind the doctors and nurse who kept my babies alive. These amazing people taught me how to take care of my little ones, would I be able to do it without them? What if Blake’s monitor went off, would I remember what to do? I did, and I would.
Our story actually
begins back in August of 2010, after 3 long years of battling IF my husband and
I decided we were ready to move forward with IVF. According to our RE it was
the "safest" way to hopefully have a viable pregnancy with the least
risk of mutiples. When the time came for our Egg Transfer, we were down to two
A quality embryos with two more that were B quality to be hopefully frozen for
later use. We made the choice to put those two A quality embryos back and two
weeks later we found out that our 1st IVF attempt worked! We were elated. We
also found out the other two embryos did not make it to freeze. It was another
4 weeks before our first ultrasound and I thought for sure I was going to have
to scoop my husband off the floor the first time, not one but TWO heartbeats
flickered on the screen and the doctor excitedly confirmed "IT'S
TWINS!"
I was sent home on
bedrest and told to follow up with my OB in a few days.
I ended up switching
OB's by week 14 because the OB we first went too was less the compassionate to
our situation and lacked bedside manners. It was around this time that we made
the decision for me to quit working as well. I remember always being to
exhausted (I must have slept 18 hours a day). Things stayed calm for a few
weeks until I got an alarming call from the OB just days before Christmas...my
AFI came back higher the normal (not uncommon in twins, but alarming
nonetheless). The day before Christmas Eve I was scheduled for an appointment
with a Peri, after finding out that all "appeared" well, they
revealed the gender of the twins... A BOY AND A GIRL... !!!! We were over joyed
and excited. I remember when we found out Twin A was a girl, hubby was holding
his breath until the tech revealed Twin B was a boy. He was covered in sweat
and pale. When he spoke he said, "I thought for sure we were having two
girls and I was going to spend a lifetime worry and cleaning my shot gun, at least
this way she'll have a brother to help me keep an eye on her." We all
breathed a sigh of relief.
And then the Braxton
Hicks contractions started, they were weird and unexplainable but nothing I
couldn't handle. The OB checked us and I had been to the Peri many times, all
was well, until Jan 12th. Something was off. I remember laying down for a nap
and feeling like I wet myself. For the most part I could have sworn there was a
baby on my bladder and I felt pressure and urgency. This caused my first visit
to L & D...after a 4 hour wait only giving a urine sample I was told
everything was fine and sent home, no sono, exam, nothing. This went on for 4
days and it was sporadic but uncontrollable. After another visit to L & D
and begging the on call to hear me out, they were convinced that I was
"leaking" amniotic fluid, but each baby's fluid level measured well
so I was sent home. the next day I saw the Peri again and Twin A's fluid was
very minimal. I remember the ultrasound tech leaving the room and the long long
wait for the Peri to come in.
Everything came to a
screeching halt.......words were flying around, "Micrognathia",
"ASD", "Possible VSD", "Not compatible with life if
born prematurely," "Risk for infection" and then
"Termination." The following words will forever echo in my mind, the
Peri (not our normal doc, but his covering doc) said, "I am sure this
pregnancy is very desired considering the route you took to become pregnant
however I am telling you that it would be safest to allow us to terminate Twin
A and give Twin B a fighting chance. And then we can test the other twin and
determine what caused all this." Thank God for my husband (who is often
quiet and reserved), he fought back when I was speechless and numb, I remembering
him saying, "Do you see that little girl on that screen? Do you see her
heart beating? That's OUR little girl, and not a chance in hell we'll
terminate. As long as her hearts beating we'll fight for her. She's not a
science fair project and she'd not a statistic for one of your textbooks. She's
a human being, and our child."
The Peri went on to call
us selfish and stated that "Clearly we didn't understand the risk, and I
could get an infection or worse. And we were risking loosing both babies."
At that point I found my voice and asked this Peri to leave. The ultrasound
tech was in tears with us, and paged my OB. Luckily for us he was in the same
location that day, and had me come in for an appointment. He explained all the
risks to us in a much more civil way and promised to support our choice. He
also helped us set up for a second opinion at another high risk center. I was
only 20 weeks along, babies born at 20 weeks don't survive. I was given a round
of antibiotics and sent home. Prepped for the worst...most pPROM (Preterm
Premature Rupture of Membranes) cases delivery within 24-48 hours.
Weekly appointments and
strict bedrest for the next 4 weeks...every day I prayed and cheered these
babies on. Pleading that they stay put. At 25 weeks I was admitted to L&D
for steroids, after they were complete I begged the docs to let me go home, the
thought of staying in the hospital was too overwhelming. The doctors understood
and sympathized but I would have to sign out AMA. In a bold move (that some
strong disagreed with), and with hubby's support I signed out. I came home on a
Friday. Saturday I felt ok, anxious but ok. Sunday I felt like I was coming
down with the flu. I couldn't get comfy and I felt like baby B was under my
chest and I was just plain miserable. By Monday morning (26 weeks) I knew
something was wrong. Before my husband went to work I attempted a shower, but
it didn't help. I was convinced this was it. Hubby called his boss and we
headed to the hospital. By the time they got the monitor hooked up right I was
contracting 3 minutes apart.
My OB walked in and did
an exam. Not dilated, but the look on his face told it all... Baby A
(Addison's) heartrate was dipping and the sky rocketing. My OB looked at me and
said, "Well Happy Valentine's Day! Your babies will be here by
lunch," he turned to the nurse, "Start prepping the OR." At 1:10
Addison made her debut and Blake arrived at 1:11. It took another 45 minutes to
stop my bleeding and stitch me up. The NICU team brought Addison by in her
"carriage", aka mobile isolette, and said "Hi Mommy," then
swoosh, gone. I don't even remember what she looked like. Blake was taken to a separate
OR with a separate NICU team, hubby was the only one who got to see him.
I "met" both
my babies for the first time around 6pm that night. It was then we were told
that Blake was stable, but Addison needed to be Baptized if we so desired (the
hospital only does them in life or death situations). It was all a blur I
nodded yes and the Pastor performed her bedside Baptism. I sobbed, the nurses cried
and then I was whisked off to my room in Mother/Baby to recover. I didn't make
it back to the NICU until much later when I was finally able to walk. By that
point the Neo had already paid us a visit and asked just how far we wanted him
to go with Addison... Without a doubt our answer was, "All that you can
do."
We later learned a lot
of things that we didn't know in the beginning. Addison left us for a period of
time once she arrived in the NICU, the doctors were sure she wasn't going to
make it. In the first 48 hours of life she had several chest tubes, was on the
Oscillator and we were warned that we might be faced with some tough choices in
the coming days. Blake was such a rockstart and did fairly well. He remained
stable most of his NICU stay. Once the dust settled, we learned that Addison
did not have Mircrognathia, she did have a PDA but no ASD or VSD. (How wrong
the Peri was). Genetically speaking all of her bloodwork was normal at this
point. Both of our babies continued to defy the odds every day.
They are both now 9
months old, we've had some rough times but we've all survive. Addison does have
a cleft palate that wasn't found until probably 35 weeks adjusted, and she had
surgery for a Nissin Fundo and G-Tube. Most of her nutrition comes from the
G-Tube, however we are working daily on increasing her oral feeds. Our goal is
to have her ready to transition away from the G-Tube after her cleft
palate repair in April/May 2012, so closer to her 2nd birthday. Blake came home
from the NICU on oxygen for feeds only and a monitor for about a month but is
otherwise doing well. He loves, loves, loves to eat solids and is undeniably a
Momma's boy.
Friday, November 18, 2011
My nerves were calmed for a short time, but I kept getting a nagging feeling like something was going to happen. One of my worst fears was confirmed when we came back 4 weeks later for a routine u/s at 22 weeks. Baby A had very little amniotic fluid surrounding him and Baby B had more than normal. Baby A was also measuring behind. The MFM diagnosed stage I TTTS - a fairly rare condition affecting the shared placenta of identical twins causing abnormal blood vessels which transfuse blood between the twins. He contacted the Dr's in Houston who perform intrauterine laser ablation surgery for this condition. They felt we were not candidates for surgery so we continued with weekly u/s, modified bed rest and high protein diet for me.
By the time I came back for my 24 week u/s, the MFM thought he saw reverse end diastolic blood flow in Baby A's umbilical cord and believed they were both only measuring 22 weeks. The Dr. was very grim with the prognosis of the pregnancy safely continuing much longer and did not give us much hope that our babies would survive if they had to be delivered now. Since our babies shared a placenta and blood flow, if one baby died in utero, the other would have to be delivered immediately and could suffer serious problems. The Dr. then suggested we might need to consider doing a procedure to clamp off the umbilical cord of Baby A to give Baby B a better chance. There were so many unknowns. After the appointment I was directly admitted to the high risk OB unit for steroid shots and close monitoring. The next few days were by far some the worst of my entire life.
We spent the weekend digesting the basically hopeless information we had received and prayed for a miracle. The next week we saw the other Dr. in the MFM practice who shed new light on the situation and gave us hope that our babies could survive. I give Dr. P much credit for keeping me pregnant to the point where delivery was safer. I stayed on hospital bed rest and Baby A continued with intermittent absent end diastolic flow for 4.5 weeks. They both continued to grow and pass the NSTs and BPPs. The Doctors were amazed at how far we had gone and how well my two little fighters kept doing despite the problems they were having. On the morning of 7/11/11 my husband I prepared for the morning u/s and I told him jokingly that it would be a neat birthday if they were born today. The u/s showed Baby A in reverse flow and his growth had dropped to 7th percentile. The Dr. made the call that it was too risky to continue the pregnancy and we would meet our babies today!
I had to wait 6 hours for my c-section because I had already ate breakfast. I had literally just received my 2nd round of steroid shots before the c-section. Things went crazy fast when I got down to L&D. The spinal went in easy, but I had the fear that I may still be able to feel the pain - but it worked! It's kind of a blur but I remember there must have been at least 10 people in that room. Before I knew it they were pulling out Baby A who we named Owen James. They told me he tried to cry but I wasn't able to hear it. He weighed 2lbs even and was 13" long. Baby B was well wedged up in my uterus and didn't want to come out! Miles Reed was born crying two minutes later. He sounded like a little kitten! He weighed 2lbs 7oz and was 14.25" long. Both had apgars of 5 and 7. They were stabilized and the NICU team stopped by my head on the way out of the OR so I could see my babies for the first time. My husband went with them to the NICU.
About 2 hours after my initial recovery on the way to my postpartum room, the nurse took me to meet them in the NICU. The Neos told us they were happy with how well they were doing, but they were still very critically ill babies.
 |
| Owen James |
 |
| Miles Reed |
It felt like a dream. I could hardly believe that these two teeny babies were actually mine. As soon as my anesthesia wore off I was upstairs again with them again. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn't stay asleep for more than couple minutes. I was so happy, excited, but scared. I questioned if I had the strength to handle these next few weeks and months. I wasn't quite convinced yet that I would be taking babies home. Most of all I just tried to have faith that they would be okay.
We were very fortunate for them not to have any major complications in the NICU. Due to their immature lungs, it took them a while to get the breathing part down. Owen was on the vent for about 3 weeks, CPAP for a little over a week, and then O2 nasal cannula on and off for about 4 weeks. Miles progressed a little faster and was on the vent for a little over 2 weeks, CPAP for almost 2 weeks, and about 2 weeks on the cannula. Miles did however have a moderate PDA and was given Indomethecin which closed it to small. When they were 33 weeks GA they were transferred to the NICU close to our home. Then they spend 5 more weeks there weaning off O2, maintaining their temps, and learning to nipple feed. Miles was a great breast and bottle feeder almost right away while it took Owen a little longer to catch on. After 70 days they came home together and have been doing wonderful ever since. We are so doubly blessed with our little miracles!
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