Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Thursday, April 26, 2012
 |
| Aiden and Ryan today! |
It all started on April 30th,
2011, when I POAS and saw that magic word “Pregnant”. I had been so used to seeing “Not Pregnant”
that my heart literally jumped out of my throat. We had been trying for nine months, ever
since our trip to Europe in August 2009 where we visited Ireland, England,
Poland and Italy. I remember running
down to the basement where DH was cooking (we had construction going on at the
time so we were using the basement kitchen).
I showed him the pregnancy test and started crying immediately. We embraced and stood there hugging for what
seemed like an eternity. I was supposed
to run a half marathon the next morning with my sister, but opted out of it. I knew I was only 4 weeks along so I didn’t
want to risk anything happening to this tiny being growing inside of me.
The next two weeks went by without
a hitch. I had an u/s scheduled for my
ninth week to date the pregnancy and meet my new OB. At 6 weeks I experienced some bleeding. We went in for an early u/s expecting to be
told that I miscarried. When my OB
started the u/s he told me to relax and that it was likely that nothing was
wrong. The next words that came out of
his mouth would change our lives forever.
He said, “Do you have a good heart?”
I said “yea, why?” He said,
“Well, you’re having twins!” I never
laughed and cried so hard in my entire life.
I immediately bought Dr. Luke’s
book about carrying multiples. I spent
the next few days reading through the chapters and getting myself anxious. I read all about PTL and other complications
that are common with twin pregnancies.
At one point, DH told me to put the book down and stop making myself
crazy. So I put the book down and never
turned back. I spent the next few months
taking it pretty easy. I did a lot of
lying down after work but I also did my fair share of tidying up after the
construction going on in our house. And
I was seeing my OB every three weeks.
On September 12 I was put on bed
rest due to a shortening cervix. I went
to the hospital with DH for a routine growth scan and a cervical check. When they measured my cervix it was at
1.2cm. The cutoff for bed rest is
3cm. I was monitored for contractions (I
wasn’t having any) and my OB was called to come a check on me. She checked my cervix again and gave me the
bed rest talk. I cried. But mostly because I was nervous about not
being able to work, and how we would afford our mortgage for the next 4 months,
not because I was nervous about carrying to full term. I convinced myself that I would be in bed
until I was 38 weeks.
Exactly one week later we went in
for another cervix check, and much to my surprise my cervix was no longer
measurable. The technician who measured
it didn’t say anything at first. She
simply put the wand down and left the room.
I knew something was really wrong.
She came back with the doctor, who checked me again, and they
immediately told me I was being admitted to L&D. While I was waiting for a bed, I heard them
say I had a bulging bag. I never heard
this term before, but I knew what it meant.
I was admitted to triage and hooked
up to a mag drip and IV antibiotics and three monitors – one for each baby and
one for me. I spent the next 24 hours
there not able to eat or drink anything for fear that they would have to
perform an emergency C-section. I was
contracting the whole time, every minute or two, but I didn’t feel the
contractions. A neonatologist came to my
bedside and explained to me and my husband all the complications our children
were faced if they were born now, in a week, in two weeks, etc. I felt like I was living a dream.
The next day I was moved to
antepartum because I was no longer contracting.
DH went home and brought me my laptop, some magazines and books, a
hairbrush, my toothbrush and anything else he thought I needed. We were ready to live in the hospital for the
next 3.5 months. I wasn’t allowed to get
up to go to the bathroom and the doctors were no longer checking my cervix for
fear of breaking my water. I was told to
inform my nurse of any contractions, bleeding or discharge. DH stayed with me every night and went to
work in the morning. Five days later, I
convinced him to go home and sleep in our bed.
He needed it. He didn’t have work
the next day so he would be able to sleep in.
He went home and I played on my computer. I stumbled upon the Preemie page on TB and
opened a post where everyone wrote about how their LO’s are doing now. It gave me so much hope. I grew tired and went to sleep.
At 4:30am I awoke to some
bleeding. I immediately called my nurse
who came with the resident on call. She
checked me with a speculum, and immediately told me there is too much blood and
she has to take me to L&D. I asked
her if I should call my husband. She
said yes. When they moved me onto a
stretcher, I looked over at my bed and saw the blood. I said “Oh fuck!” when I saw how much there
was. As they wheeled me to L&D, I
remember feeling very calm but a million thoughts were racing through my
head. I have no clue what they
were. The Drs performed an u/s to see
the babies’ postioning, and the whole time I felt this urge to pee. I knew it had to be the pressure of the
babies on my cervix.
I was moved to the OR and I
remember it being so cold. The
anesthesiologist was so nice, he kept telling me not to worry, that they will
take care of me. As they prepped me for
surgery I made my mind slow down because I wanted to remember everything. I felt like I was in a movie. All I saw were these faces with masks
on. I couldn’t even recognize my own OB,
they had to point him out. I later found
out that he made it to the hospital in 12 minutes. Seconds before they put me under (there was
no time for an epidural so they have to knock me out), I was told my husband
had made it to the hospital. I was so happy.
I woke up in recovery and
immediately started crying. It was Sept.
25, 2011, and I just kept repeating to myself that today was my children’s
birthday. And instead of it being the
happiest day of my life, it was the saddest.
DH told me the boys were ok, he hadn’t seen them yet but they were
alive. Then the recovery nurse asked us
what their names were. We always had the
name Aiden picked out for Baby A, but Baby B was a tough one. We narrowed it down to Paul and Ryan, so I
let DH pick. He picked Ryan.
At some point DH left, maybe to eat
or see the boys, I’m not sure, but my dad stayed with me. I cried the entire time and he just held my
hand. I will never forget it. I later found out that the bleeding was
caused by a placental abruption, and that Aiden’s feet were hanging out of me
by the time I was put on the operating table.
From the time I called my nurse, to the time the boys were born, only 45
minutes has passed.
In many ways this isn’t a birth
story at all, because I wasn’t awake for any part of the boys’ birth. I often think about why this happened to us,
and I try to understand the very difficult decision God made to put us in this
situation. My simple answer is
this: God put me in the hospital to save
Aiden. If I was at home when the
bleeding started, we never would have gotten to the hospital in time, and we
would’ve lost him, and possibly Ryan. I
thank God every day for making this decision for us.
 |
| Aiden, 3 weeks old |
 |
| Ryan, 3 weeks old |
Friday, November 18, 2011
Corinne was born at 31w1d (2lb 3oz) due to HELLP sundrome. Here is our story:
My husband and I started trying for a family in 2007. Unfortunately, infertility got in the way of our dreams. We started seeing an RE in 2009. We had a 40% success rate with IUIs. IUI#2 resulted in a baby boy, who had acrania. Acrania is a fatal birth defect. IUI#4 resulted in a natural miscarriage.
In an odd twist of fate, I learned I was pregnant (again) in early November 2010 on the heels of a cancelled IUI due to no viable follicles. My husband and I joked that we got a "freebie" baby. By this point, I was fairly used to losing pregnancies, so I tried not to get attached to this baby, since if the past was any indication, it was just a matter of time until I lost this one too. I started bleeding on Thanksgiving 2010, and went to the doctor to calmly tell them I was miscarrying and to get betas so they could follow them down to zero. No tears, just frustration and apathy. It turns out I had a SCH which was causing the bleeding, but the baby looked great!
The NT scan showed us a perfectly healthy baby, and at 16 weeks we learned our baby was a girl. At 20 weeks, we learned that she was measuring about a week behind, and there were markers which pointed to a higher chance of developing pre-eclampsia in the pregnancy. At 24 weeks, the baby was still measuring behind. But, since we had reached "viability day" we started to think that this might even be our take home baby. We started getting the nursery ready, and "came out" about the pregnancy publically. The plan was to have an ultrasound every 2 weeks at the MFM to monitor growth, and an OB appointment every two weeks to monitor me for any signs of pre-eclampsia.
In my 30th week, I started to not feel so great. My blood pressure at the OB was elevated, but after laying on my side for a few minutes, it returned to normal. That weekend, I did a 24 hour urine catch and bloodwork. We went to a friend's house on Saturday night for dinner, but had to leave because I felt awful. It felt like my stomach hurt, but the pain was along my rib cage and back. Monday morning, when I was 31w1d, I called the OB and left a message to report the pain. A nurse called me back no less than 10 minutes later and said that the OB wanted to see me. I figured he would prescribe some pills for high blood pressure, and once that got lowered, then the pain would go away. I didn't even bother to shower or eat before my appointment, as I figured I would shower and have breakfast after I got back home. The plan was to return to work in the afternoon.
At my OB appointment, my blood pressure was elevated, but not in any danger zone. However, the results from my 24 urine capture and bloodwork were back. The protein count was over 600, and I had very high liver enzymes. He sent me across the street to the hospital for an ultrasound and to be put on hospital bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I have to admit, I was secretly looking forward to watching some bad daytime TV while having all my needs catered to.
After the ultrasound, I settled into the hospital bed excited to have a day of pain free relaxation (they gave me some AWESOME pain killers for the abdominal pain). The hospital lunch lady came by, and I ordered a huge lunch (since I was starving by this point, having barely eaten all weekend). About 10 minutes before my lunch was due to arrive, the OB walked into the room and advised me after looking at my test results from that weekend, combined with the MFM ultrasound report from that morning, it would be best interest to deliver. "Today?" I asked. "Actually, in about two hours", he replied. He figured that my liver was a few days away from rupturing.
Since I was only 31w1d, my cervix was no where close to giving up the goods for an induced delivery, so a c-section it would have to be. I was going to be put under general anthesia for the c section, as I was on Lovenox, which is an injectable blood thinner medication.
My only knowledge of NICU babies is what I learned from mothers I met in the loss community. A baby goes to the NICU, and about two weeks later, the fight for life ends. I honestly expected our baby to follow the same timeline. I didn't know of any "happy" NICU stories. As they wheeled me into the OR, my main thought was that this was going to be the last time our baby was alive.
After the surgery, as I came to in the recovery room, I saw my husband standing over me with tears in his eyes. I saw the tears and knew that our baby was either dead or dying. The only other time I saw him cry like that was when we found out that our first baby would not be going home with us. He tried to tell me she was OK, but I figured he was lying to me, waiting until I was fully conscience to drop the "she didn't make it" bomb on me. It just annoyed me, and I started going through a mental checklist to contact NILMDTS and a funeral home.
However, after I fully came to, a member of the medical team came in to give us a report on our baby's status. She was actually doing pretty well! She was 2lb 3oz and 15 inches at birth. My husband was able to visit her in the NICU that evening and showed me pictures he took of her with his cell phone. That night, my husband and I discussed names. We had thrown around names before, but not seriously, as we figured we had another 2 months to come up with a name. We settled on Corinne Avery. The next day, I was wheeled over to the NICU to see her for the first time.
I heard there was usually a "honeymoon period" in the NICU, where everything seems great for a few days, then things take a turn for the worse. However, for us, the "worse" never came. She didn't have any breathing issues (she was breathing room air at one day old), her brain ultrasounds came back clean, and she passed all the other tests with flying colors. She did have jaundice and anemia issues (which are fairly commonplace in preemies, but resolved themselves in time.
I was released 4 days after her birth. It was tough going home from the hospital, once again, empty handed. But, for the first time, I didn't have grief resources stapled to my discharge paperwork, and that made it easier for me. I knew I had a living, breathing child and I could come back whenever I wanted to stick my hand in her isolette and touch her warm body. I felt pretty darn lucky. There were many times where we would come home after visiting her, and a few hours later, around midnight, I would drive back just to see her for another 20 minutes.
Other than the issues mentioned above, for the most part, she just needed to grow and learn how to feed orally. We had a very uneventful 40 day NICU stay, and she came home at 4lb 6oz. There are happy, (mostly) stress-free NICU stories out there. I feel so darn lucky to have been one of those. I wish I would have known in the early days that most NICU stays do not end in heartbreak.
My husband and I started trying for a family in 2007. Unfortunately, infertility got in the way of our dreams. We started seeing an RE in 2009. We had a 40% success rate with IUIs. IUI#2 resulted in a baby boy, who had acrania. Acrania is a fatal birth defect. IUI#4 resulted in a natural miscarriage.
In an odd twist of fate, I learned I was pregnant (again) in early November 2010 on the heels of a cancelled IUI due to no viable follicles. My husband and I joked that we got a "freebie" baby. By this point, I was fairly used to losing pregnancies, so I tried not to get attached to this baby, since if the past was any indication, it was just a matter of time until I lost this one too. I started bleeding on Thanksgiving 2010, and went to the doctor to calmly tell them I was miscarrying and to get betas so they could follow them down to zero. No tears, just frustration and apathy. It turns out I had a SCH which was causing the bleeding, but the baby looked great!
The NT scan showed us a perfectly healthy baby, and at 16 weeks we learned our baby was a girl. At 20 weeks, we learned that she was measuring about a week behind, and there were markers which pointed to a higher chance of developing pre-eclampsia in the pregnancy. At 24 weeks, the baby was still measuring behind. But, since we had reached "viability day" we started to think that this might even be our take home baby. We started getting the nursery ready, and "came out" about the pregnancy publically. The plan was to have an ultrasound every 2 weeks at the MFM to monitor growth, and an OB appointment every two weeks to monitor me for any signs of pre-eclampsia.
In my 30th week, I started to not feel so great. My blood pressure at the OB was elevated, but after laying on my side for a few minutes, it returned to normal. That weekend, I did a 24 hour urine catch and bloodwork. We went to a friend's house on Saturday night for dinner, but had to leave because I felt awful. It felt like my stomach hurt, but the pain was along my rib cage and back. Monday morning, when I was 31w1d, I called the OB and left a message to report the pain. A nurse called me back no less than 10 minutes later and said that the OB wanted to see me. I figured he would prescribe some pills for high blood pressure, and once that got lowered, then the pain would go away. I didn't even bother to shower or eat before my appointment, as I figured I would shower and have breakfast after I got back home. The plan was to return to work in the afternoon.
At my OB appointment, my blood pressure was elevated, but not in any danger zone. However, the results from my 24 urine capture and bloodwork were back. The protein count was over 600, and I had very high liver enzymes. He sent me across the street to the hospital for an ultrasound and to be put on hospital bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I have to admit, I was secretly looking forward to watching some bad daytime TV while having all my needs catered to.
After the ultrasound, I settled into the hospital bed excited to have a day of pain free relaxation (they gave me some AWESOME pain killers for the abdominal pain). The hospital lunch lady came by, and I ordered a huge lunch (since I was starving by this point, having barely eaten all weekend). About 10 minutes before my lunch was due to arrive, the OB walked into the room and advised me after looking at my test results from that weekend, combined with the MFM ultrasound report from that morning, it would be best interest to deliver. "Today?" I asked. "Actually, in about two hours", he replied. He figured that my liver was a few days away from rupturing.
Since I was only 31w1d, my cervix was no where close to giving up the goods for an induced delivery, so a c-section it would have to be. I was going to be put under general anthesia for the c section, as I was on Lovenox, which is an injectable blood thinner medication.
My only knowledge of NICU babies is what I learned from mothers I met in the loss community. A baby goes to the NICU, and about two weeks later, the fight for life ends. I honestly expected our baby to follow the same timeline. I didn't know of any "happy" NICU stories. As they wheeled me into the OR, my main thought was that this was going to be the last time our baby was alive.
After the surgery, as I came to in the recovery room, I saw my husband standing over me with tears in his eyes. I saw the tears and knew that our baby was either dead or dying. The only other time I saw him cry like that was when we found out that our first baby would not be going home with us. He tried to tell me she was OK, but I figured he was lying to me, waiting until I was fully conscience to drop the "she didn't make it" bomb on me. It just annoyed me, and I started going through a mental checklist to contact NILMDTS and a funeral home.
However, after I fully came to, a member of the medical team came in to give us a report on our baby's status. She was actually doing pretty well! She was 2lb 3oz and 15 inches at birth. My husband was able to visit her in the NICU that evening and showed me pictures he took of her with his cell phone. That night, my husband and I discussed names. We had thrown around names before, but not seriously, as we figured we had another 2 months to come up with a name. We settled on Corinne Avery. The next day, I was wheeled over to the NICU to see her for the first time.
I heard there was usually a "honeymoon period" in the NICU, where everything seems great for a few days, then things take a turn for the worse. However, for us, the "worse" never came. She didn't have any breathing issues (she was breathing room air at one day old), her brain ultrasounds came back clean, and she passed all the other tests with flying colors. She did have jaundice and anemia issues (which are fairly commonplace in preemies, but resolved themselves in time.
I was released 4 days after her birth. It was tough going home from the hospital, once again, empty handed. But, for the first time, I didn't have grief resources stapled to my discharge paperwork, and that made it easier for me. I knew I had a living, breathing child and I could come back whenever I wanted to stick my hand in her isolette and touch her warm body. I felt pretty darn lucky. There were many times where we would come home after visiting her, and a few hours later, around midnight, I would drive back just to see her for another 20 minutes.
Other than the issues mentioned above, for the most part, she just needed to grow and learn how to feed orally. We had a very uneventful 40 day NICU stay, and she came home at 4lb 6oz. There are happy, (mostly) stress-free NICU stories out there. I feel so darn lucky to have been one of those. I wish I would have known in the early days that most NICU stays do not end in heartbreak.
Corinne is now 6 months old (4 months adjusted). She was born at 2lb 3oz, 15 inches, and is now 11lb 11oz, 23.5 inches. About 3 months after her birth, she learned to breastfeed using a nipple shield, and at 5 months after her birth, she learned how to breastfeed without any shield or other help. She has minor gross motor skills delay (she's about one month behind) and will be starting physical therapy to bridge this gap. Other than that, she is thriving and doesn't not have any other long term health concerns.
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