Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I had made up my mind from the beginning that I wanted to breastfeed. I wasn't "against" formula, and if it didn't work out that was ok too. But I was going to give it a try. When I went in for my c-section my nurse was aware of my desire to breastfeed, and she made sure that I had a pump waiting at my bedside the minute I was back in my room.


The first time I pumped I couldn't feel a thing. The second time I screamed in pain... HOLY HECK did it hurt! My nurse came in and calmly told me I might consider turning the pump settings down (whoops), that helped but man did it hurt the first week or so. Then of course comes the joy of cracked nipples. I was pumping every 3 hours around the clock, at home & at the NICU.


Our NICU didn't have a very comfy pumping room and often I was more comfortable sitting by the twins bedside pumping. I also found I got more milk then or anytime after Kangaroo care. It didn't take long before the nurses told me they didn't have room for more milk, so I started stocking my freezer at home. For the longest time the twins took less then an ounce each, so I was making more then they needed (a blessing in disguise of course). At the same time I was beginning to wear down emotionally and mentally. One of our nurses then suggested that I try only pumping every 4 hours at night so I could get some rest, and once a week I'd take a night off and sleep the whole night thru. This worked for about a month and a half... then I noticed my supply was starting to tank a little. Meanwhile in the NICU they were fortifing the twins BM with Neosure for extra calories and we were soooo close to getting to actually trying to breastfeed. I'll never forget the day they said we could start "non nutrative sucking". Blake got to try first, it wasn't going well, they gave me a nipple shield, it went a little better. A few days later he was back on CPAP and we had to stop. A week later I got one shot with Addison, she bit down hard.


The LC's were just about driving me crazy, bless their hearts. My supply continued to drop no matter how many power pumps or anything else I tried. At this point I was getting about an ounce to two ounces each pump. The twins were taking an ounce a peice. I started trying to track when I got the most milk, and was considering supplements to increase supply. Then one of the LC's asked me something about my medical history and my PCOS came up...she then explained that PCOS also had a hand in my supply and that a lot of woman with PCOS have supply issues and do not benefit from supplements. Plus I'll be really selfishly honest, the idea of smelling like maple syrup (from Fenergreek) was not appealing to me in the least. My OB said he didn't reccomend any supplements either.


After much thought and debating it to the ground in my head, I made the decision to cut back and ween off the pump in effort to quit BF. Within days of decreasing pumping sessions my supply diminished. In a weeks time I kid you not I was dryed up. I knew at this point that they were past the most critical stage and that they tolerated formula, because they were already getting half and half. And any attempt at BFing was now a ways off again...


I still have days where I wish it would have worked out differently and if we ever have anymore children I will try again. I EPed for 2 1/2 months exactly and I was never so glad to put the pump away. It was the right choice for us all at that moment.

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Precious and priceless so lovable too, the world’s sweetest littlest miracle is, a baby like you.

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